HOW NOT TO WRITE A NOVEL

I'm reading a screamingly funny book at the moment called How Not To Write A Novel by Howard Mittlemark and Sandra Newman. I buy the odd writing manual for pithy quotes and examples to use in teaching CW. This one is definitely the funniest. It's as funny as Katherine Lynch's Single Ladies on a bad day - and that's funny! The examples of bad prose are over-the-top but, sadly, such ill-thought-out rubbish has come to me as judge/editor of this and that.

The book might scare off wanna-be writers and much of it may be too obvious for experienced writers but it's so hilariosly well-written, I recommend it - at least to editors and CW teachers for a good laugh. And some tips to pass on to the non-faint-hearted student.

Here's a couple of examples of the style of this book:

The Crepuscular Handbag - wherein the author trips over his own cleverness

A Test: Do I Know This Word?
Ask yourself: 'Do I know this word?'
If the answer is no, then you do not know it.

Men Are from Cliché; Women Are from Stereotype - wherein the characters are built solely of broad gender stereotypes:

"Melinda picked up Joe's beer-stained sports section with a wry smile, replacing it with another saccharin-berry scented candle. As she sat on the pouffe to enjoy her copy of Brides' Shoe Monthly, she wondered if he would remember to call for their third-date anniversary." etc etc

SHORT CIRCUIT - a guide to the Art of the Short Story

With all the to'ing and fro'ing of the last few weeks, I haven't had a chance to mention Short Circuit, Salt Publishing's guide to writing the short story. I have an essay in there on style. There are contributions from Clare Wigfall, Tania Hershman, Vanessa Gebbie, Lane Ashfeldt, Alison Macleod, Matthew Licht and Tobias Hill, among many others.

The book will arrive at this blog on its virtual tour at some point in the not too distant future in the arms of its very able editor, Vanessa Gebbie.

It is a LARGE volume, comprehensive in nature and nicely varied. It would make a lovely Christmas pressie for your local friendly short story nut. It has a 20% discount on the retail price at the mo, so is a recession friendly £11.99 stg.

Buy it here at Salt's site.

BANVILLE ON WRITING

Two interesting quotes on writing from an interview with John Banville in last Sunday's Indo.

"...when the observation's being done, it's not me," insists Banville. "I sort of slump like a marionette and he [the person who writes the books] does the observing and then I come back to life."

Weirdly, I know what he means. I often wonder where the hell the things I write about come from, much like dreams. There is some sort of alter ego who is the writer. The other me is the Mom, the shopper in Tesco, the partner, the one who watches East Enders etc. etc.

Banville on characters and the writer's self:

"Characters are never real people. What you do is, you take tiny details - somebody's eyes on a bus, the back of a child's head - they all go into an amalgam. Most of the sources you forget, and this new thing, the character, is made. Just as you do in dreams. But they're all me. I'm the only material I have. Just as in dreams every person is you."

Yes, John, exactly!

The rest of the piece is here - it's not a great interview: the interviewer seems to be afraid of him and Banville is quite reticent and fatigued with the whole thing, it seems. Worth a quick read though, if you have a spare five minutes.

ANNE ENRIGHT'S WRITING ROOM

Anne Enright uses a corner of her living room to write in. She must have great, undisturby type kids.

I know it's a while since this was featured in the Guardian, but I was just doing my go-through-the-papers-for-articles-to-cut-out routine this morning, and came across it again. I've stuffed the hard copy into my bulging Anne Enright file. Yes, in case ye didn't know, I'm a fan.

It's further proof to me of the humility and lack of pretentiousness of the woman. Though maybe she is planning a fancy-schmanzy study upstairs because she says she writes in this room pictured 'at the moment'. She also says she 'can write anywhere'. I think if a writer needs a very particular set up to write, it's bad news. Train yourself to write anywhere! But always have your fixed place too, so your family know you are serious.

You can read the entire piece here.

STRANDHILL AFTERS

Well, my friend and I had a great time at the Summerfest in Strandhill, County Sligo over the week-end, particularly enjoying the wisdom and knowledge of the very fine teachers Ted Deppe and Annie Deppe. (If you get a chance to do a workshop with both or either of these two, grab it.) There was a lot of talk about writing, a lot of writing on-the-spot, and plenty of socialising at the BBQ and pub.

Much of the writing was done from prompts, an approach that yields mixed results, but Órfhlaith and I were both happy and surprised to find that we came home with pieces that will grow into ‘real’ writing. I was amazed at what some writers can produce on the spur of the moment; clever people!

The atmosphere was encouraging and positive and you can’t argue with that. Strandhill was awash with surfers enjoying the weather and the waves, and with writers, buzzing about their own and each other’s work. All in all, a very worthy and welcome week-end of writing and new friendships.

Wisdom from Anne Enright

“I think over the years you realise that your emotions about your work don’t have an awful lot to do with it. They are part of the process, obviously. But you finish the work and it’s shite, and then everybody loves it. Or you think it’s wonderful, and it’s completely ignored. So you learn after a while that whatever you think about the work is a bit like a nervous tic or a spasm of some description, and the work doesn’t care. It’s just sitting there on the page. People will read it whatever way they read it. You have to let that happen.”

I think Anne Enright is a wonderful writer and she comes across as a very down to earth, no bullshit type of person. This quote, which I lifted from last Sunday’s interview in the Sunday Tribune, reconfirms this. I spend a silly amount of time worrying about my work, whether it’s good or bad, if I’m delusional, if I’ll ever be ‘successful’ as a writer (whatever that means). I have had this experience she mentions: the few stories and poems of mine that I am really fond of, no one else ever seems to get them; they are never mentioned to me one way or another. The ones I dislike because they are too light/twee/silly, or seem unfinished/wrong, are the ones I get the most praise for.

I read a very ill-considered review of a friend’s new book and it made me feel annoyed. I don’t think he’s that upset by it, but it upsets me that someone can toss off a few careless, wrong-headed remarks about work that has taken years. My friend’s perspective is probably better than mine. The review is that reviewers opinion. No more, no less. If the work is good, and you know it is good, then that is all that counts.

Tagged - a book meme

Tania Hershman tagged me with a meme. I haven't done one before and I don't think I'll pass on the tag because a) I don't personally know too many bloggers, and b) I don't really want to be tagged back. It's too time consuming! Here it is anyway:

1. Pick up the nearest book.
2. Open to page 123
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people, and acknowledge who tagged you.

OK, so here goes:
1. Nearest book is Eithne Strong's Patterns, a short story collection which I dug out of a box of books abandoned in a press, when I was shortlisted for the Strong Award.

2. Page 123 is in the middle of a story called 'The Requiem'.

She wondered had she, hoped she had, wounded him. And almost at once was sorry also. She leaned over him, bending her head down to his but she could not see his face.

Eithne's sentences are short and punchy, aren't they? What's interesting is that it makes you see every word a writer writes when you re-write their sentence. Apparently a lot of wannabe writers re-wrote favourite writers' work 'to see how they do it'. I heard Joseph O'Connor say that at a reading. Also C.K. Williams said he did that when younger to feel like the original poet. Sort of mad but possibly informative?

Poetry vs Fiction Writing

It strikes me that novel writing and editing promotes routine. Whereas poetry and short story writing often do not. For me, anyway. With a novel there’s the sense of having to get back to it, day in, day out. It’s good.
That’s not to say that I don’t get to the desk every day when I’m not working on a novel or short stories; it just seems to keep me concentrating there for long hours, more so than poetry, which is what I am mostly working on these days.
Yes, I sit down every day, but because of the shortened attention span needed, or the flitting back and forth over the work, I have more room in my head for other concerns: the internet, reviewing, submitting work etc.
There’s a sense of ‘full speed ahead’ with longer fiction, whereas poetry seems to promote a gentler work ethic. Still, once I am writing at all, I am happy. I had been thinking for ages what a gift it would be to have the time/headspace just to work on poetry (normally there are so many fictions cluttering up my head.) Now, in my fallow fiction period, I am getting to do just that and it’s interesting. I am embracing it more as time goes on, reading more poetry than ever, writing more than ever in one big push. It’s satisfying and strange to me.

Poetry Workshop

I attended a most enjoyable workshop at the Forge Literary Festival in Gort at the week-end. It was run by Dublin poet Nessa O’Mahony and she did a great job of calmly encouraging us, the participants. It was mostly exercise based – a format I am not used to – and it was great for that very reason. I always feel if I learn – or come away with – just one thing from a workshop, it has been worthwhile. And I may have got the germ of a seed of a poem from an exercise that Nessa did with us based on George Ella Lyon’s poem ‘Where I’m From’. It’s an exercise I may use in my own teaching, if Nessa doesn’t mind.
Here’s a link to the poem and to George’s website:


Where I'm From

The Secret to Being a Writer

“The real secret is to do it because you love writing rather than because you love the idea of being a Writer.” Iain Banks

Hear! Hear! Mr Banks. Writing takes commitment and enjoyment. Real, honest commitment and some enjoyment. A friend said to me at my book launch: “I think I’ll get into this writing game; it’s great.” Book launches are my least favourite part of the writing life. People think you are being funny or coy when you say that, but it’s true. I can enjoy other people’s launches but not my own. It is stress of the worst kind: public stress. I am like a lunatic for about a week beforehand; on the day itself, I am unbearable, even to myself.
Another friend told me he was going to write a book. “Sure, everybody has a book in them,” he said. No, they don’t. Most people wouldn’t know how to tell a story if their life depended on it. I can’t tell jokes, he can’t write. I attempt to tell jokes and do so badly. He hasn’t, as yet, written this book that is “in” him.
I think the problem is that most Western people are literate. They can hold a pen and write words, so they think that that is writing. I bet my friend wouldn’t say to an artist at her exhibition: “Everybody has a painting in them.” There is a perception about visual art that it is difficult, but every person who can write a shopping list thinks s/he can write.
It drives me mad!

Literary competitions

Why do former winners of literary competitions enter them again, year after year? I think those who have already won should be barred from re-entering competitions where they have already walked away with a prize. I also think they should have the humility not to try to win again. It's on the CV, why do you need it twice? It would mean so much more to someone else.
As a personal rule, writers might ban themselves from entering any competitions where they have already been in the top 3. Leave room for others to 'crack' the code of the selecting committee.